Ah, Valentine’s Day. If there’s a holiday more weighted with guilt and angst, we defy you to name it. Managing to combine the gift-giving stress of Christmas with the you-must-have-a-date pressure of New Year’s Eve and the crass commercialism of, well, everything America puts its hands on, Valentine’s Day is an occasion that begs to be mocked.

We initially thought of posting just one piece from an outlier, talking about their unconventional take on the day. And then we realized that the Graceless community is nothing but outliers. So we put a question to all our writers: What’s your most Graceless feeling about Valentine’s Day? And man did we get some good stuff back. Without further ado, a Valentine to all our readers. We love every last cynical one of you.

(TL;DR we’re all very tired.)


”Valentine’s Day is for young couples who have yet to learn that real relationships are often humdrum, draining, and generally annoying. I don’t want roses, just go to the grocery store without having to ask what kind of god damned milk to get.”

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-48, married half my life


”I am ashamed to admit that I do care about Valentine’s Day. We pretend every year like it’s no big deal, but I always feel a little bummed if the day passes unmarked. I know how unfair this is to my husband, but I just can’t help but feel pressured to manufacture some sort of romance!”

omglove

-28, married entrepreneur


“My coworkers once asked me what the scariest moment in my life ever was. I started sobbing and told them that it was my first Valentine’s Day with my now-husband, because I realized both how hopelessly and amazingly I loved him. How scary and beautiful it was to be consumed by something that you couldn’t control and to know that, if it were all to end, you would throw it all away and try it again in an instant just to feel that burn one more time.”

heartscard

-27, newly-pregnant-lady


”It’s going to take a lot more than roses to get up in these britches tonight. He best have diamonds. Mommy is TIRED.”

diamonds

– 41, mother of 3


”My two year old daughter is going to have a more meaningful Valentine’s Day than I am. I’m currently looking for a cute card we can make for her classmates at daycare and some craft item for her teachers. I’m hoping for peace and quiet for me, and to drown my sorrows in the candy we bring home from her class party at daycare.”

eatingcandy

-41, divorced lesbian single mom – no prospects


”I buy myself a single pack of Sweethearts yearly.”

candy

-42, singleton living in LA with her doggy BFF


”I expect my boyfriend of 10 months to do something for me on Valentine’s Day in the same way that my 10 year old expects me to toss some plastic eggs around the backyard on Easter.  I know Cupid isn’t real and my expectations are in check but the effort means something.”

vdaysimple


“Sweet saint valentine,

Flowers, chocolate, and wine.

Please, just do dishes.”

dishes


”All I want for Valentine’s Day is for all the fools who live in my house to leave me alone for two hours.”

thatsall

-46, mother of two teenage boys, a husband who thinks he’s 15 and two in-laws who live in the room under hers


”I’m too tired from Thanksgiving and Christmas to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Let’s all boycott, eat the chocolate we bought for everyone else and stay in bed streaming “Transparent” on Amazon Prime all day.”

200

-42, divorced mother of three cherubim who has the children on Valentine’s Day this year


“I always thought it was a Hallmark holiday, one filled with so much pressure and expectation. I hate those holidays. Instead, I look it as the day after my dog son’s birthday. He starts off the love and I simmer in the post-canine-birthday after glow.”

dog

-41, super dedicated dog mother


”I love my man.  I think the key is that we have never spent a single Valentine’s Day together.  Because it just doesn’t fucking matter.”

whocares

-City girl living off the grid


”Valentines? It’s a manufactured holiday. Better to celebrate every day. Before having a child, I celebrated by not wearing any semblance of pink, red, doily, etc. and going out to dinner with my friends. But children change that. Now it’s about showing your child how much you love them and how to show others you know they’re special. Making valentines. Secret surprises. Making other people feel good through a mailed card or surprise.”

yourerad

– 44, tired, overworked Single Mom


 

”I can’t tell you the last time I got excited about Valentine’s Day. Elementary school, maybe? As an adult, I am not a fan of my partner being forced to buy me gifts for a socially sanctioned, predetermined holiday (yes, this includes Christmas). Surprise me with something I’ll love when I least expect it! The only way Valentine’s Day affects me today is I had to schedule my monthly Brazilian wax appointment early, because this is one of their busiest times of the year. However, I am down to celebrate Galentine’s Day, if anyone wants to join me for breakfast.”

galentines

– 41, soon-to-be-divorced wannabe writer


”I wish I didn’t buy into this sexist Hallmark holiday, but I really love chocolate. Give me all the chocolate.”

chocolatecake

– 26, feminist sellout


”Love yourself.  Eat the damn chocolates.  Do what makes you happy. Don’t define yourself by who your valentine is.  Define yourself by who you are.”

self

-44, tired mom